COMPARISONS BETWEEN "N" PEOPLE AND "T" PEOPLE

Comparisons are drawn between N and T people only for the purpose of increasing awareness of when an experience is nourishing and when it is toxic. In any relationship, each person is inevitably exposed to both the nourishing and the toxic attitudes and behavior of the other. To develop a check list of nourishing and toxic "qualities" or to diagnose or label a person as one or the other is not only meaningless: it is itself a toxic procedure. The essence of the art of emotional nourishment is our awareness of what we are experiencing and our ability to accept nourishment and to protect ourself against toxic behavior.

Nourishing and toxic patterns manifest themselves in a remarkably consistent fashion as a person relates both to himself and to others. In this sense, the degree of emotional involvement with the various people with whom the person interacts is irrelevant. For example, a nourishing person is considerate of a salesclerk. How he relates to him will be consistent with his behavior toward his own spouse or child. His underlying N and T qualities will prevail. The woman who insults or degrades the clerk will also attack the egos of her own children. Perhaps more often than not, this basic consistency is concealed beneath the facades of phony behavior each person has learned. A very toxic person may give every appearance of being a loving, caring individual when the situation requires him to present this appearance.

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